Tell Me Not to Go, and I Won't
by suspensegirlinc
Summary: 4x17 - He didn't like to think that maybe he had feelings for Blair to stifle the pain from Serena, but it was probably true. When he saw her standing in front of the glass doors to Blair's building, blocking his path, he knew it was. DB CB BeS ref.


A/N: Haven't caught up w/ episodes yet…*avoids eye contact* but I've gotten details & I've been talking to some awesome DSers & I watched the sole DS vid I made & just felt INSPIRED. This takes place in 4x17 (w/ as best of details as I can manage – forgive me if something is off-kilter as far as past – meaning 4x12-4x17 – details/events) after CS decide to go find Blair & before Dan makes it to the Waldorf penthouse. Enjoy. I miss these guys. ;p (Heavy DB & CB implied, bits of Ben/Serena)

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

…

He was on his way to Blair's for one sole reason: to find out if the feelings he thought he might be having were in any way romantic in how they were conceived. He never thought in a million years he'd be falling for Blair Waldorf, and he still didn't think he was, but he needed proof. He needed to feel no spark when he kissed her, because then it would be clear he was only fooling himself in healing once again the broken heart Serena had left him with. Not that she left him with a broken heart often, it was just that when she did it felt so intense that it seemed like it happened on a daily basis. That every day he was continually getting a repeat attack of heartbreak from Serena Van der Woodsen, even if they'd hardly interacted at all since they'd decided that waiting would be best for now, just like Chuck and Blair had done.

It was almost easy to believe something might be happening between himself and Blair because of how much time they had spent together and the realization that they actually had things in common, including their current situation with the two people they'd loved and lost. It was nice and refreshing to not be so wrapped up in drama and to have someone who understood, who he could take care of that he didn't think he ever would. It was an achievement unlike anything he'd ever known, and sometimes it let him forget about Serena for whole days until he went to sleep.

But he would be doing a disservice to Blair if he started something that might be stemmed from convincing himself he was interested when he really wasn't. Because every girl told him – in so many words – that he would never get over Serena Van der Woodsen. That she would always come first, like there was nothing he could do about it, like she had some sort of hold over him that he could deny or believe depending on where he was and who he wanted to be with. Serena came first. Always. Even when he thought she betrayed him and he couldn't trust her or the blatant fact that they'd made a foggy promise to each other and she seemed to forget about it almost immediately afterwards.

It was still there – his love for Serena.

That's why he thought he was dreaming when he'd managed to circle the block Blair's penthouse was located on and saw Serena standing in front of the glass doors tailing after Chuck who seemed to be in quite a hurry.

Dan stopped stock still and watched the interaction. The brunette and the blonde argued a bit. Serena looked worried and frustrated but Chuck just looked plain desperate and maybe even shaky. Dan wondered if that meant he had finally come to his senses and decided Blair was worth fighting for and nothing else. That created some worms in his stomach at the thought of that, because maybe he was convincing himself he might be prone to develop feelings for Blair. He'd been thinking about it so much just in that day that anything was possible. He just hadn't had the guts until what he thought was now to stop being such a coward and go up to Blair's penthouse and kiss her. _He had to know._

But seeing Serena threw him off. And when Chuck forced her to stay outside as he went in to see Blair no doubt, it left him unable to move, because he'd have to get past Serena to go inside, and then eventually past Chuck. Strangely enough, he wasn't overly worried about having to get past Chuck, even though he knew without a doubt that Blair's love for Chuck would crush potential crush-like feelings for himself in a heartbeat. He didn't feel threatened by the slim chance of _him_ being chosen instead. What scared the hell out of him was the colorful mix of raging emotions fighting a war inside him just by noticing Serena standing between him and the entrance to Blair's building.

They'd made a promise to each other, like they always seemed to do. They'd said one more time and then that would be it, but he knew if things went awry again it would still never be over. That's why whatever he might or might not feel for Blair wouldn't be fair to share, not really. Not when Serena wasn't with Ben, flaunting her supposed 'first love' in front of him and acting like she wasn't doing anything wrong. She probably thought she wasn't either and that only made things worse. He'd been annoyed, frustrated, heartbroken…and many other emotions he couldn't quite define. He didn't know what exactly he'd do now, right in this moment, but he knew he wouldn't yell at her, because she still looked crushed. She was worried about Chuck and Blair and their relationship, and she was being forced to wait outside in the cold.

He took a deep breath and walked hesitantly towards her.

Serena raised her head and her eyes widened. "Dan," she said, shocked. Her voice was sweet, but it made him uneasy because he knew she'd demand an explanation and he had no idea where to start.

"Hey." He forced a tiny forced smile.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, confused. She closed some of the distance between them and tilted her head slightly to the side in question.

He blew out a gust of wind and slipped his hands into his pocket. "Well…I…" He reached up and scratched his chin subconsciously, starting to fidget. "I…I came to see Blair," he said, finally making eye contact.

Her brows furrowed. "You came to see Blair?" she asked, almost laughing.

He nodded once. "Yeah."

"Why would you come to see Blair?" she asked, the laughter nearer to the surface.

He teeth lingered at his bottom lip and suddenly the last place he wanted to be was here. Blair was probably upstairs reuniting with Chuck, and he didn't even live in the city, but he couldn't find a way out of this conversation, and he knew he couldn't lie to Serena. They were friends too, no matter what they had done.

"I came to see if we had feelings for each other," he said casually, hoping that if he didn't say it like it was a huge deal that it wouldn't be.

"_What_?"

The plan hadn't worked.

"Well, we've been hanging out and you've been with Ben. Chuck has been nonexistent with Blair. He'd moved on with Raina, and—" She was gawking at him, so he just stopped talking. "I'm going to go. Chuck looks like he's making amends and this is probably all in my head, so I—" He looked at her again and noticed she was still gawking. "Yeah, I'm going to go."

He turned around and started walking away, feeling a little better now that he'd escaped, but he knew he wouldn't feel completely like a freed captive until he turned the corner.

It was her voice that stopped him, like it always did. She spoke so softly that anyone else probably wouldn't have heard it even being the short distance away that he was, but he heard it. Always.

"You really think you like her like that, Dan?"

Slowly, he turned back around, finding himself face-to-face with the heartbroken, vulnerable Serena who'd been almost laughing his face a moment ago.

"I don't know," he said.

She nodded, not looking at him, her eyes pinned to the ground.

"That's why I came here. I was going to kiss her," he said bluntly. "To see if there was anything there," he finished.

"And if there was?"

His teeth ground together and he walked back to where he'd been again, right in front of her where he could hold her if need be. "Don't do this to me, Serena. We made a promise and you broke it. You moved on almost immediately."

Her eyes flashed to his. "I didn't!"

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

She looked away, and shook her head in frustration. "I mean, I had to figure things out," she said.

"Right," he said, before he could stop and think about it, "just like I have to do with Blair now."

"Dan…"

"Of course I won't, because Chuck is probably up there confessing his love to her…" His head jerked in the direction of the upper floors of the building.

Serena winced a little. "Probably not exactly."

He looked at her again. "What do you mean? What's—what's going on?"

"I'm not sure," she said, finding her way to a bench on the left side of the entrance and sitting down. Dan followed her but stayed standing. "He wouldn't tell me. But he found out something bad, and he's very agitated. Something about his father that he said only Blair would understand…"

Realization hit Dan like a ton of bricks, and it had nothing to do with him still potentially having the chance to go up and see if there were sparks between him and Blair. It was a huge _ohh_ moment that he knew he'd never fully be able to explain in a million years. But he just knew then that Chuck and Blair had a connection that would never fully sever and that he could never even hope to achieve something close to if he tried for something with Blair. Having little to no history and possibly being able to not hurt her in the way that Chuck had had nothing to do with it. It was their connection. _Plus_, he thought, looking down at the disheveled blonde in front of him, _he was still in love with this girl_.

He sat down on the bench next to her. "You were worried about him?" he asked.

She nodded, looking at the ground. "And for Blair. I know she can handle him; she seems the only one able to do so, but…well, I know she's been kind of broken because of what happened with Raina. I don't think he ever really felt anything for Raina though. Maybe he just convinced himself he did because he needed to distract himself from not being able to have Blair. He loves Blair so much."

Dan nodded, not saying anything. It seemed the four of them all had something in common, whether they'd tried to "move on" or not.

After a long time she turned her head and looked at him. "There's probably not much I can do though, huh?"

Dan opened his mouth to speak but she interrupted him.

"I mean, Blair will take him in and comfort him. She always does. It's her nature where Chuck's concerned. It always has been since she fell in love with him and he knows that. That's why he always goes to her when he can't handle things. She's his…" she sighed, not knowing where exactly she was going by rambling off about her best friend's and her stepbrother's love.

"Yeah," Dan finished for her.

She looked at him and smiled a little. "I've completely ruined everything, haven't I?"

"Hmm?"

"Between us. I handled it all wrong. I handled Ben all wrong. All of it was just…all wrong."

"Now, hey…" was all he could make out, because he'd been furious and heartbroken and annoyed beyond belief through everything that had felt deliberate on Serena's end for the last month or so. But she was regretting it now and he was feeling bad for feeling the way he had. Only she could do that to him.

"No, I did." She nodded her head. "Whether you can come up with an excuse for me or not doesn't change that. I wanted you and we promised each other and I ruined it."

"Serena…"

She stood to her feet and tried very hard not to pace.

He turned his face upwards to look at her, hoping she would not fall apart.

"You have feelings for Blair," she said finally, looking at him again.

He didn't say anything, but a sigh slipped out. He felt his cheeks flush and the atmosphere heat up as if it were the middle of summer; his skin felt as cold as ice. He hoped he was only imagining tears streaming down her face.

"Do you still want Ben?" he asked.

Serena shook her head and looked out at the surprisingly still street. "I think I wanted to live out what I hadn't been able to before. I don't think I really felt anything real with him since I found him again." She sat back down on the bench again suddenly and curled her fingers in the fabric of his pants at his knee suddenly. His eyes widened at the movement.

"I'm so sorry for flaunting him in front of you. I—I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I—"

"Serena."

She looked at him, stopping instantly, almost breathless.

"Breathe."

Her mouth snapped shut.

He cupped her face with his hands and stroked her hair softly with some of his fingers.

"We're going to be okay," he said. He waited for the words to sink in. "It doesn't matter if we move on or if we just sit and wait for each other to be ready. We're going to be okay. And," he took a deep breath, realizing right then that he had never been more sure of anything he'd thought or said aloud or convinced himself of until now, until these words, "It's going to be us," he said.

The tension in her dissipated.

"It's going to be us," he said again, and she fell into his arms.

…

A/N: I really REALLY wanted to have them kiss at the end, lol. But since it's only one scene I think I had to make it more realistic than anything & just have them have realization with that knowing statement that they had shifted gears back to each other instead of that cliché moment when all other people are forgotten suddenly because they're so madly in love, lol, even if they are. XD Hope you enjoyed. Again, forgive any background details I may have screwed up & just take it how it is. Thanks.


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